Ubuzima

Wari uzi ko burya gukundana no kubana bitandukanye?

Iyo umusore abwiye umukobwa ko amukunda, ese aba asobanuye ko ashaka ko bazabana? Ese iyo amubwiye ko ashaka ko bazabana biba bisobanuye ko amukunda?
Iri hurizo benshi ntitujya dufata umwanya wokurikora ariko kandi kuryitaho, kurikora ni bimwe mu byafasha abagiye kubana cyangwa se ababana kuko byarinda byinshi hagati yacu, harimo za gatanya, intonganya n’ibindi bitari byiza biba mu ngo.

URUKUNDO

Ikiremwamuntu aho kiva kikagera cyishimira gukundwa, kandi n’amadini yose ni cyo kintu cya mbere yigisha. Urukundo. Nubwo rimwe na rimwe dukunda kuruha ibyiciro aho tuzanamo urukundo rwa kivandimwe, urukundo rwa kibyeyi n’ibindi ariko burya tuba turi gushaka kubikomeza, urukundo ni urukundo. Iyo bigeze ku byiciro ntibiba bikiri urukundo byahabwa indi nyito aho bishobora kuba impuhwe, ubugwaneza, ubuvandimwe n’ibindi.
Dukunda kurya, dukunda imikino runaka, dukunda abantu, dukunda akazi, dukunda kuryama… ni byinshi dusobanura dukoresheje inshinga gukunda.
Urukundo ni amahitamo ugirira ikintu/umuntu runaka bitewe n’uko wumva bikujemo utanazi impamvu nubwo rimwe na rimwe ishobora kubaho nk’imiterere, imikorere n’ibindi. Ubajije umubyeyi ufite abana batanu niba bose abakunda kimwe, yagusubiza ko abakunda kimwe ariko ufashe umwaka wose ugenzura ibyo akorera ba bana be, niho wamenya ko burya yibeshyaga. Dukunda kubera amahitamo, ntabwo ari ibintu byizana gusa. Ibyizana gusa ni amarangamutima, kandi na yo agira ikiyabyutsa, cyashira agashira.
Nkunda uko ugenda, uko uteka, uko uryoshya mu buriri, uko wambara,… Byose ni urukundo.
Gusa iyo havuzwe urukundo hagati y’abantu babiri batandukanye, urukundo warushyira mu bice bibiri gusa.
Igice cya mbere ni urukundo rutaganisha ku mibonano mpuzabitsina. Uru rukundo ruba hagati y’abavandimwe, ababyeyi n’abana, abasore ukwabo n’inkumi ukwazo, cyangwa hagati y’abadahuje ibitsina ariko batanagamije kuryamana. Niho uzasanga ufite umugabo mukundana kuko akugira inama, agutabara byakomeye, kandi uri umugore wubatse. Cyangwa se akaba ari umugore mwikundanira, musurana, musangira nyamara uwawe ari mu rugo.
Ikindi gice ni urukundo ariko ruganisha ku mibonano mpuzabitsina. Akenshi tuba twumva rwakabaye hagati y’abashakanye gusa ariko unasanga ruba hagati y’umusore n’inkumi, hagati y’umugore n’umugabo w’abandi, mbese ku buryo biramutse bibayeho ko ya mibonano itabaho, na rwo rwajya mu marembera. Benshi tubyita irari ariko ku rundi ruhande biratandukanye kuko bisaba ko mwembi mubyemeranyaho. Irari kandi ni bwite nshobora kurikugirira utaringirira ntituryamane, kandi umubano ugakomereza kuri rwa rukundo rwa mbere twabonye hejuru.
Muri rusange urukundo ni nkenerwa mubuzima bwacu bwa buri munsi, ni na yo mpamvu abanyamadini barwita itegeko ry’izahabu. Aho urukundo rwabuze niho haza intonganya, amahane, intambara n’ibindi bibi.
Ariko urukundo rwabaho cyangwa rutabaho, abantu dukenera kororoka no kugira umuryango, tukagira abo tubana. Aha ni ho gushyingirwa bihita biza.

KUBANA

Buri muco, buri myizerere, buri gihugu kigira uburyo bwacyo bwo guhuza abifuza kubana.

Benshi babanza gukundana mbere yo kubana, ariko si itegeko cyangwa ihame ko mbere yo kubana mubanza gukundana. Kubana ni igikorwa kiba hagati y’abantu babiri, ubwabo babyemeye, cyangwa imirynago yabo ibyumvikanyeho, nkuko mu mico imwe n’imwe bikimeze, nubwo byo kuri ubu bidashyigikiwe ariko ku ruhande rumwe wanasanga nta cyo byari bitwaye kuko ba sogokuruza bacu babanaga bataranabonana kandi ingo zabo zararambaga. Aha rero wakibaza niba urugo rushinzwe kuko abantu babanje gukundana ari rwo ruramba, rubamo amahoro. Igisubizo na we wacyiha ushingiye kuri za gatanya zigenda ziyongera umunsi ku wundi.

Gusa nanone, bishobora kuba kudahuza impamvu aho umwe ashobora gushaka undi afite indi mpamvu, wawundi we azi ko ari urukundo gusa. Iyo bavuze ko umuntu ari mugari ni cyo baba basobanura. Nshobora kureba kure nkabona ko nimbana nawe ntazigera nsonza, ntazabura icyo nambara. Ngakora uko nshoboye kose tukazabana dore ko bavuga ngo umuntu ananira umuhana ntananira umushuka.

Binashobora kandi kuba gahunda ya Win-Win (UNGUKA NUNGUKE), iri kugenda ifata intera muri iyi minsi. Umukobwa yabona yujuje imyaka nka 40 atarabona umugabo, agatanga isoko ryo gushaka umugabo, akamwemerera ubutunzi runaka undi na we agahembwa kuba umugabo we. Wa musore azaba abonye ikimukiza ubukene umukobwa na we abe abonye umugabo. Nubwo ushobora kumva ko aba bantu batazabana neza ariko waba wibeshye. Kubana neza bituruka ku guhuza imyumvire nta kindi. Ntibivuze ngo mube mukundana gusa, kuko hari n’abakundana imyaka 5, bakabana ariko bamarana imyaka 15 babana bagatandukana.
Ikindi gishobora gutuma umuntu ashaka, ni ugukora imibonano noneho adatinya dore ko iyo uyikoze utarashaka byitwa icyaha, kwica umuco n’ibindi. Si ibyo gusa hanarimo kuba urambiwe abakubaza igihe uzashakira, kuba ubona urungano rwose rwarashatse cyangwa se kuba ubona imyaka iri kugusiga. Ntitwakibagirwa ababana kuko bateye/batewe inda, nuko bakabura andi mahitamo

Rero si itegeko ngo nubona abantu babana wumve ko bakundana, cyangwa ngo niba bakundana bibe ihame ko bazabana. Oya. Hari benshi bakundana bagasazana batabanye nkuko hari n’ababana batarakundanye, ahubwo kubera impamvu imwe cyangwa iyindi. Gukundana ni ikintu ukwacyo, kubana kikaba ikindi, icyakora ntitwasoza tutavuze ko biba akarusho iyo ubanye n’uwo mukundana kandi urwo rukundo rwanyu rukagumaho.

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