Ubuzima

Ishyano: Agace ka 3

Duheruka bagana muri ghetto kwa Yvan na Thierry. Mu kugenda bagendaga bifata amafoto umuhanda wose ariko ukabona Gatesi byamuyobeye, gusa nanone akagerageza kuterekana ko byamutonze cyane dore ko bose bari bakuze kuri we. Gusa wabonaga Yvan agenda amunagaho akajisho, mbese agaragara nk’uwamwiyumvisemo. Thierry na Jolie bo ibyabo nta wabyivangamo rwose bo ntawe batinyaga bagendaga bafatanye agatoki ku kandi, bakanyuzamo bagasomana.

 

Ubwo bageze muri ghetto barakinguye baha karibu abakobwa nabo barinjira. Gusa bakigera mu nzu bose baratangaye ndetse ntibabyiyumvishaga

 

Sheilla: Thierry, aha ni mwe muhaba cyangwa ni uwabasize ku rugo?

Thierry: Kubera iki se kandi wowe?

Sheilla: Njye ndabona ari urugo pee. Reba flat screen, intebe nziza, nako reka niyicarire nta kindi narenzaho

Yvan: Erega baca umugani ngo uwiyimye afatwa nk’uwiyahuye. Twe rero ntitwiyima. Ubundi se amafaranga amaze iki si ayo gukoresha? Wa muririmbyi ntiyabajije ngo “un million c’est quoi?” ahubwo buri wese nambwire icyo afata mbazimanire. Kandi mwisanzure, hano nta wundi uhaba ni iwanjye na Thierry, buri umwe afite icyumba cye, kirimo douche na toilette. Guteka ho dutekera kuri iriya gaz iri mu nguni hariya. Ubwo rero muritoramo usonga ubugari ntabwo ndi buteke nubwo ari jye nari ntahiwe.

 

Bahise baseka bose, ubona ko bisanzuye ariko nyine Gatesi we yari akiyoberwa byose bitarasobanuka kuri we neza.

 

Thierry: Ariko muri frigo ubanza harimo twa Amstel ufataho ntiyigore atumiza izindi. Ubanza no mu cyumba hari ka wine gacye. Ubwo ibyo mu byo mutumiza ntibirimo

 

Jolie: Nyiyerekera icyumba cyawe njye kuzana wine. Ngaheruka kera

Sheilla: Jyewe ndafata kuri amstel nta kibazo

Jacky: Sha jyewe murabizi inzoga si ibintu byanjye munzanire ka citron niko mbasha

Gatesi: Nanjye ndanywa orange

 

Bose bahise bavugira rimwe: Isugiiiiiiii

 

Gatesi isoni zahise zimwica areba hasi, mbese yumvaga atazi aho ari.

 

Ubwo Yvan yahise asohoka, ariko asaba Gatesi kumuherekeza bakajyana kuri butike kugura fanta n’ifu yo gusonga ubugari.

 

Ubwo barasohotse, bakigenda abandi basigara babavugaho

 

Thierry: Ariko mwabonye ukuntu Yvan yarobye ka Gatesi mwa? Ubanza azagasujyura tu

Jacky: Sha yaba agafatiranye anagahemukiye rwose. Kariya kana gakeneye umuntu ukayobora mu byo kwiga naho nibakajyana mu nkundo n’ubujiji kavanye mu cyaro ntikazarangiza uwa mbere kadatwaye inda

Sheilla: None se Yvan ni injiji ku buryo yatera inda? Abuze agakingirizo se yabura ikinini? Uriya musore namubonye ndamutinya. Ntiyoroshye

Jolie: Ese twese ko tutaratwara izo nda, hari ubwo tukiri amasugi? Gusa nyine ntitwakishimira ko mugenzi wacu aba nka twe, akeneye inshuti nziza zimugira inama. Ahubwo se ubundi ni nde wiyemeje kujya amwitaho. Jyewe murabizi ndi umunyakirori rwose najya mujyana boite buri weekend

 

Jacky: Ndamufata nta kibazo kandi nanyumvira nzi ko azirinda byinshi ariko nyine napinga, biramureba

 

Thierry: Jolie icyumba cyanjye ni kiriya (ahatunga agatoki) genda urebe wine n’akarahure unazane agafunguzo ufungurire Sheilla amstel ndabona abagiye kuzana soda bagiye ku ruganda ahari.

 

Jolie yarinjiye mu cyumba asohokana icupa rya red wine, ikirahure mu ntoki n’agafunguzo.

Yagahereje Sheilla ati nawe ifungurire sha nturi umwana. Nuko batangira kwica ingwagasi y’icyaka, ubwo Thierry aba arongeye aravuga:

Thierry: Ni nde se uri budutekere ko habanza agasosi? Hariya hari inyama zikeneye gushyushywa, no kongerwamo ibirungo

 

Jacky: Ubwo hajemo inyama ndateka tu. Ahubwo reka ngatangire akazi

**********************

TUGARUKE KURI YVAN NA GATESI

 

Bagiye baganira gusa ukabona Gatesi ntiyisanzuye

 

Yvan: Ese ko mbona uko wambaye bimeze nk’aho uri umurokore, ukaba unanywa soda, uri umwadeperi cyangwa nibeshye?

Gatesi: Oya sindi we ndi umugaturika. Rwose sinirarire ku musatsi ni uko nta bushobozi ngira ariko nanjye nkunda gusuka nubwo ntarabikora na rimwe, imyenda yo mba mbona iyi nambaye ari yo myiza, simba nshaka kwambara ubusa rwose nk’abo njya mbona bambara utugera mu nsi y’ikibuno.

Yvan: None se ubwo koko urakennye cyane ku buryo iwanyu batakubonera ibihumbi icumi byo gusuka? Naho kwambara byo, uzarebere kuri bagenzi bawe uko bambara. Rwose ndumva nshaka ko usirimuka nk’umwana tuvuka hamwe. Sibyo sister?

Gatesi: Yego ni byo, ariko nyine se ko nta bushobozi, ubwo aho nzabugirira nzasirimuka.

 

Yvan yahise akora mu ikofi avanamo inoti ebyiri za bitanu aramuhereza.

Yvan: Akira aya mafaranga. Nyaguhaye nka musaza wawe. Nimutaha usabe bariya bakobwa bakwereke aho bisukishiriza, ejo uzajyeyo. Si byo?

Gatesi: Yvan urakoze ariko ndumva igihe kitaragera ngo nsuke. Kandi mama rwose yambujije kwakira amafaranga y’abasore ngo aba arimo ibishuko. Witangira kunshuka rero ari ho ukimbona. Jyana amafaranga yawe rwose

Yvan: Nakubwiye ko nyaguhaye nka musaza wawe. Urabizi tuvuka mu karere kamwe. Rwose sinifuza kukubona abandi bakwibazaho ngo uri agaturage. Ibuka ko twavuze aho dukomoka bose bagahita bakoma amashyi. Nubu ndabizi basigaye batuvugaho. Nta kindi rero ngamije humura

 

Gatesi yaremeye arayakira, aramushimira. Bakomeza bagana kuri butike. Baguze ibyo bagura nuko ayo babagaruriye na yo Yvan ayaha Gatesi ati aya uzayagure mituyu.

Yvan: Ese ubundi ko utampaye nimero yawe ntushaka ko nzajya nguhamagara?

Gatesi: Ariko nkoresha airtel gusa

Yvan: Hhhhhhh. None se yo si nimero? Gusa uzanagure MTN buriya gutunga umurongo umwe gusa si byiza. Nutangira kwiga uzasanga ko yose uzajya uyikenera, bitewe n’uwo ugiye guhamagara. Ngaho zimpe. Iba kuri whatsapp se?

Gatesi: Oya nta whatsapp nkoresha. Ayo kugura iyo terefoni nayakura hehe ubwo koko?

Yvan: Nta kibazo bizagenda biza buhoro buhoro natwe ntitwazivukanye.

 

Barakomeje baraza basanga isosi yamaze gushya, bahita basonga ubugari

 

Bariye baganira, bari no kumva akaziki, na Gatesi atangira kugenda yisanzura. Bigeze nka saa tatu nijoro barasezeye barataha, nuko babageza ku muhanda barabasezera ngo bihute.

***************

THIERRY NA YVAN

 

Thierry: ariko man uzi ko ntari nzi ko nawe upofoka bya fake. Uriya mutoto wahise umuroba man? Uri akaga rwose

Yvan: Sha kariya kana kavuye muri karitsiye ntawe ugomba kukantanga kabisa. Wasanga ari agasugi kandi tu.

Thierry: Ariko sha ko ukunda amasugi bayakurangiyemo umuti? Uzi ukuntu isugi zivuna koko? Aba aguha yanga, umusoma yigirayo, ujya kwinjira ati ndababara, puu. Jye nsigaye nikundira abapanutse ukozamo ikiruka nta kwigora.

Yvan: ariko man sinari nzi ko Jolie mukibyumva kimwe. Ndamwanga jyewe buriya urabizi yateye indobo wa mujyama twabanaga mbere birambabaza

Thierry: Ariko ntukabe idage ngo ukabye. Ubu uzi ko n’uwaguteye indobo jyewe namwinjirira. Urukundo rujya aho rushaka. Ariko buriya Jolie ntabwo ndamurya. Gusa mbona bigenda biza.

Yvan: Mbaza se ngo Gatesi twavuganye iki?

Thierry: Zimpe neza se

Yvan: Ubu namuteye icumi ryo kwisukisha, ubundi akajya ku myako. Urumva ko ntangiye kumwiyegereza nyine…

Thierry: Man uri umwataka kabisa ndemeye. Aka kanya uhise umutoto umwinjiza game koko?

**************

TUGARUKE MU KIGO

 

Abakobwa baragiye baganira, nuko babwira Gatesi ko ubwo nta muntu wundi asanze muri kaminuza baziranye, azajya abitabaza kuri buri kibazo cyose agize. Bose bamuhaye nimero zabo na we abaha iye, na bo bunga mu rya Yvan bamusaba gushaka simcard ya kabiri, kugirango ajye yoroherwa n’itumanaho. Bamubwira ko Jacky ari we uzajya amuba hafi kubarusha kandi azamubera mukuru we.

 

Gatesi: Nukuri ndabashimiye cyane rwose, mwambereye abana beza kuva twahura. Reka rero njye kuryama, ubwo tuzasubira wenda ejo

 

Jacky yaramuherekeje agenda amuganiriza

 

Jacky: Ese kuki wambaye ijipo ndende cyane ni zo ugira gusa cyangwa ni ukuyikunda

Gatesi: Yewe ni zo ngira gusa nta ngufi ntunga nta n’ipantalo ngira uretse iya siporo gusa

Jacky: rero hano ipantalo ni wo mwambaro woroha kwambara. Gutega moto, kugenda n’amaguru, kuzamuka ujya muri etage, iyo wambaye ipantalo biroroha. Ushake uko watangira kuzimenyereza. Niba ntacyo bigutwaye nzajya ngutiza mu gihe utarabasha kugura izawe. Si byo?

Gatesi: nta kibazo. Ese ubu yambera ubundi koko? Ahubwo se ko ejo nshaka kujya kwisukisha ni hehe badahenda?

Jacky: Ubu se ukigera hano urumva kwisukisha ari byo byihutirwa ra? Ubu ibikenewe byose wamaze kubigura?

Gatesi: None se ko ari…

Jacky: Ngo ari iki?

Gatesi: Nyine ni …

 

Yabaye agiye kumubwira terefoni ya Jacky irasona

Jacky: Gatesi reka ngende nitaba iyi terefoni ni mama umpamagaye, tuzavugana ejo umbwire byose neza. Ijoro ryiza

 

 

Ese azamubera mukuru we mwiza koko?

 

Biracyaza….

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